(in)convenient coincidences
by FireLark
Summary: In which Ace is a thief, Marco is a thief and Sabo is…not quite a thief but he's still robbing a house so it's about the same when all three of them decide it's a good idea to break into a house at the same time. AU.


The distance wasn't _too_ far, but this was pushing his abilities a bit. Taking a steadying breath, Ace crouched low on the tree branch and made a great leap towards the second-floor balcony. The branch chose that _exact moment_ to snap under his weight and he flung out an arm just in time to catch himself on the edge of the gilded railing. There was a loud _creaaaak_ and he winced instinctively – though there was no real need, the asshole noble that owned this place was off on vacation (that was the whole reason he was here after all).

Pulling himself over the railing, he grinned as the balcony door slid open without any trouble, pleased at his own cleverness. Those dumb nobles never bothered locking their balcony doors. Once in the house, he gave the room a quick once-over, grabbed the jewelry box from the dresser and moved on. When he'd finished looting every one of the ridiculously opulent rooms on the second floor, he took the stairs two at a time into the spacious living room.

There didn't seem to be much worth taking here – the furniture was probably priceless sure, but it wasn't like he could lug the antique table out the door. About to go for a quick rummage through the drawers, he startled and then dove under the sofa (fucking _gold-embroidered_ , honestly) as he heard footsteps. What the fuck? He knew for certain there was no one home, he'd staked this place out for most of the day! Listening more carefully now, he realized the footsteps were coming from…above?

There was no one on the second floor, _he'd just been there_.

Just as it dawned on him, there was a rasp – cloth against brick – echoing from the… chimney. Wide-eyed, his mouth hanging open, he shot a wild-eyed look at the hearth and watched as a pair of sandaled feet braced themselves on the sides of the fireplace.

Then, slowly – ( _whoa that is a nice set of abs also is this guy aware his shirt is riding up?_ ) – a blond, bird-masked man dropped into the unlit fireplace, landing in a crouch with barely a noise. Unbidden, a dry croak of utter shock escaped his throat, and the masked man's head jerked up. They both froze as their eyes met, Ace peeking out from underneath the sofa and the man ( _Phoenix Marco,_ because who else wore a gaudy-ass feathered bird mask and managed to make it look good – _bad thoughts, Ace, bad thoughts_ ) squeezed into the fireplace. It wasn't a small fireplace, but this guy's shoulders were broad enough to make it seem cramped.

Ace blinked rapidly a few times, became aware his mouth was still hanging open – then anger welled up. He abruptly straightened to his full height, knocking the overly fancy sofa over.

"Are you kidding me? The great mystery method the Phoenix uses to get into houses that people have been guessing at since _forever_ is the _chimney_?!" Ace was offended that this guy was…making a _joke_ out of thieves everywhere. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he might look up to the Phoenix, just a little…well, not anymore! "The fucking _chimney_ , man! Like fucking _Santa!_ "

The man closed his eyes and let out a long-suffering sigh, clambering to his feet and brushing clumps of ash off his shoulders. Ace frowned at that – how had people not caught on if he was tracking ash everywhere?

"I don't suppose you could be persuaded to forget you saw this, yoi," Phoenix didn't sound particularly hopeful. With a last futile sweep at his purple shirt, he flared up in a burst of blue-gold flames and stepped out of the hearth, clean of any trace of the ash that had coated him before. Ace's mouth fell open.

" _No,_ " he said, appalled. " _No fucking way._ "

The man appeared somewhat exasperated, opening his mouth to say – something, whatever it was Ace wasn't paying attention because _no fucking way_.

"You're – that – you're not even a logia!" This was a goddamn outrage was what it was.

"Well, I _could_ be, you never know, yoi-" Ace cut him off again.

"You're _not_ , because _I'm_ the fire logia! That should be _my_ thing but nooo, the one time I suggest it I get laughed out of the house!" Sabo had just about died laughing, his uncontrollable guffaws chasing Ace out of the house. He still brought that up sometimes – well, suck on that Sabo, someone was _worse_ than he was because they'd actually done it. He glared at Phoenix, whose eyebrows were raised so high he could actually see them over the mask.

"…I'm assuming you're Fire Fist Ace, then?" Ace bristled as the man gave him a long, slow once-over, piercing blue eyes taking in every inch of him.

"Yeah, so what?"

"I wasn't expecting you to be so young," said Phoenix, lips curving in a slow smile. Ace spluttered.

"Y-yeah, well, I wasn't expecting your hair to look like a pineapple eith-"

"Or quite so handsome." The blond was definitely amused now, a tiny grin on his face. Ace opened his mouth and closed it again, feeling heat burning up his cheeks and at the tips of his ears – he hoped he wasn't on fire, god would that be embarrassing.

"I-I! Y-y-you! I- wha?!"

Phoenix threw his head back and laughed, husky and full-throated, something that should _not_ have been so attractive, goddamn his hormones.

"Well, first come first serve I suppose," the man still looked infuriatingly amused. "I hope you won't mind if I join you, yoi."

With that, he strode into one of the adjoining corridors, completely ignoring the way that Ace was gesturing at him in wordless fury, unable to figure what to say to that. "Wait, you bastard! Come back here and explain what you meant-!"

There was a startled yell from the corridor. Ace blinked, stopped, and ran for the passageway (it was so _long_ , why did nobles need this?). That yell wasn't Phoenix, but it was definitely familiar somehow. "….You've got to be kidding me. Sabo?!"

"Ace!" Sabo was standing there caught in the act of rummaging through a file cabinet, gaping between him and Marco the Phoenix. "How did you get in? Who is this? What are you doing here?"

"You know each other, yoi?" Even the _Phoenix_ , fucking professional phantom thief sounded confused at this point because what were the chances that three people would decide to rob the _same house on the same fucking night oh my fucking god_ (1).

"What am I doing here? What are _you_ doing here?! You're not even a thief! How did you get in, you can't even sneak properly!"

Sabo gestured at the filing cabinet. "Revolutionary business. And I walked in through the front door, I have _manners_ thank you."

That was…Ace had no words. "You're robbing someone's house, there's no way that's polite. You definitely picked the lock, don't lie!"

The sly, smug smile on Sabo's face told him that yes, this faux polite asshole had picked the lock.

"What is going on, yoi." The masked man was clearly becoming impatient. Ace paused for a second, staring at Marco and trying to figure out what to say – then he grinned because _boy did he have a good idea._

"Let me introduce you! Phoenix, this is Sabo, the guy who laughed me out of the house for suggesting coming into houses through the chimney!" His grin widened until it felt like it was splitting his face. The Phoenix blanched. "Sabo, this is Phoenix Marco, phantom thief extraordinaire! He came in through the chimney!"

They had to ditch and run for it without looting the rest of the house because Sabo's howling laughter brought the attentions of the guards, but Ace considered it completely worth it if only for the priceless look on Marco's face.

 _(1) The prompt for this fic was 'How did all three of us decide to rob the same fucking house on the same fucking night oh my fucking god.'_

 _This is a gift for marcoacesabo on tumblr._


End file.
